Sunday, May 15, 2011

And the beat goes on...

I find myself feeling a little let down today.  I had a good plan laid out this morning and I accomplished everything I set out to do.  I was sure that once I sat down and worked on my budget and financials that all would feel right with the world.  Well, all does not feel right with the world.  I discovered (while creating my budget) I had neglected certain verbal agreements. Regardless of my intent or lack of intent I had failed to meet an obligation.  Therein lay the feelings of let down.  I've let myself down and another and that works my nerve.  How do I make this right?  I feel confined by certain obligations made to, shall I say, "legal parties".  And not so confined by certain verbal obligations that I've made. I have always wanted to keep to my word on things I say I'm going to do.  But I discriminate between those obligations that have legal ramifications and those that have personal ramifications.  I know that is wrong and I don't know how to find a balance between satisfying each of these obligations.

I do not like the feeling of taking advantage of a situation to satisfy my needs alone.  That is selfish and unfair to another person involved.  This is an opportunity to learn how to make this right.  I am at a loss; however, as to how to do so.  So for now, for the sake of my sanity I shall put this dilemma to rest.  I will revisit it once I have had time to reflect and get feedback by those opinions that I respect.  I know I'm not a bad person but I know I can be a better person.  The answer is out there somewhere and I will find it.

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