Lessons learned

For someone, such as myself, who is learning how to live life on a daily basis, I find it helps to show others how to do so when I can.  As I find myself comforting a friend going through a rough time I managed to help a family member learn something new.  In my family, it has been common practice to help each other too much.  Historically, the help has become too much.  With that help comes dependence.  When someone helps you too much to where you can no longer figure something out for yourself then that becomes a problem.  Showing a person how to do something is a difficult thing.  It is my nature (experience in upbringing) and profession to show people how to do things.  I find myself frustrated at times that someone can not figure out something that I see as common knowledge.  It is in that moment that I have to remind myself that not everyone has been taught how to think for their self.  I know I wasn't taught that.  I was taught that you do (x) this way and that is it.  I was never encouraged to ask questions.  If I did ask questions I was always told "because I said so".  When I did ask questions about how to do something and asked to be shown, the person teaching would get frustrated with me and end up doing it for me.  That allowed a learned behavior to occur.  I learned that if I ask enough questions maybe, just maybe, someone will get sick of telling me how to do it and they will just do it for me.  Well, now that I am aware of that I try to pass that knowledge on to another family member or client whichever the case may be.  Point them in the right direction and let them figure it out.  Problem solving is new to many and new to me.  I am learning to deal with what comes at me on a daily basis.  It might be something that sucks royally but ultimately I know that it is up to me, and only me, to figure out how to make it work for me.  I may need to ask questions but I will find answers on my own now.  So, I say all this to bring it back around to how I helped a family member.  This particular family member is a young adult and has also had everything done for her, her entire life.  I took the opportunity to teach her something when she asked me directions to a place I go to often.  I told her where to go to find the information she needed and that was it.  She continued to ask me questions about this and that and I kept referring her back to the original source I had given her.  Meanwhile, I went to the same source I had given her and found exactly what she needed quickly.  A few more questions were asked but she eventually found it on her own.  During that discovery I could tell that she learned something new and she was grateful for my help.  With my friend that is going through a rough time I have to remind myself that there are things that must be learned by this person.  It is not my job to tell him/her how to get through this.  If I did, then the person would not have learned something.  It would again be fostering dependence.  I am stepping back to let my friend figure it out on his/her own.  I don't like to see a friend hurting but feeling that pain is important so that it can be remembered when a new hurdle comes along.